i'm so in love with this time of year.

i love the crisp weather.
i love boots and winter coats.
i love watching the leaves change.
i love the leaves crunching under my feet.
i love hot coffee and tea.
i love halloween costumes and decorations.
i love pumpkins.
i love falling in love in the fall. (not that i'm falling in love currently. )
i love seeing my breath.
i love mittens, hats and scarves.
i love snuggling.
i love haunted hay rides.

this is so cute it should be exploding into sparkles.

you MUST check this site out:

it's real, love.

i carry on daily missing some of the most vital organs of my life. i'm not sure how i'm doing it, but... i am. my lungs have left the country and all those years of inhaling and exhaling smoke have caught up with me. my heart has been torn in two and the gap between the two pieces keeps getting wider and wider. i'm not sure i'll ever get close enough to either piece to reclaim them. I must have ate something that poisoned my digestive system and i'm starting to see there isn't a cure; and worse yet, neither one of us would want the cure were i to find it. my fingers are lost; caught in the past and totally destroying my ability to create art. everytime i try to sew them back on i catch myself getting nostalgic and i have to rip them off again.
maybe i'll just make a playlist and hope the music reaches the ears of my limbs and they all come back to me on their own.

but this is just today.
maybe, tomorrow, i'll just wake up and fill the spaces again.

vomit.